Marriage: The 20 Commandments

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Marriage, for me, is a drive along the highway with some surprise hairpin bends and many wrong turns.

It is a drive in which I pay for the petrol and he drives the car. Both are necessary. Women’s lib and feminism make it increasingly difficult to reduce ‘happily married’ to a successful formula.

What works for me may not work for you. But here is my list of all that I expect from my man:

• Only straight men, please. I agree that tastes vary but I’m not interested in experimental stuff.
• I’m also not interested in a 2100-sq feet house! I’d be perfectly happy even if he had just a little home full of fond memories.
• No one who wears a pink shirt with purple buttons. Properly dressed is always ‘in’, no matter that he’s overweight.
• I will call his mother ‘mom’ only when I’m comfortable with it because there’s no point saying it and not meaning it.
• I’d prefer to live with his parents. It may be difficult living with them, but it’s even more difficult without.
• We’d need to eat at least one meal with the whole family because ‘the family that eats together stays together’.
• If his cousin likes something I have, I’ll buy it for her, but she ain’t getting my books, food, clothes, watches, shoes....
• He mustn’t fuss if I go a little crazy from time to time, like wearing whacky nail polish. And yes, yellow is a good colour!
• If he’s married to television, he shouldn’t expect me to take care of him. Instead, ask the TV.
• Don’t expect me to follow every ritual. It’s not certain that he’ll live 100 years, even if I did all the poojas.
• He mustn’t drag me to cinema halls to see new releases. I’d rather watch a good flick at home.
• He mustn’t compare me to his family. They are unique, and so am I.
• Just as his parents are important to him, so are mine to me.
• I don’t mind doing the household chores, provided he also chips in.
• I would occasionally like to have fun with friends, no questions asked.
• We can argue and even swear, but it’s important to sit and talk afterwards.
• I’m not the DINK (Double Income No Kids) type. I don’t mind one child of my own and adopting another. But there should be no pressure to have children.
• I’m happy to go on one vacation every year with his parents and one vacation just for the two of us.
• He must always pay except on his birthday. On our anniversary, both of us go dutch.

If there is respect, loyalty, honesty and the most important word, ‘adjust’, rather than ‘compromise’ love will never die.

(Article written by Shalini Sengupta)