Liz Misérables

Liz Misérables

What a day I’ve had. First, I’m treated to this image of a Ken Starr-Liz Cheney-Larry Thompson sandwich over on Politico. Then I’ve got to read about some guy gushing over the Supreme Hotness that is Liz Cheney. Now you might think my hostility toward Ms. Cheney stems from our days cheerleading at McLean High School, although I believe she was with the original Hustlin’ Highlander squad from 1917. It’s not. It’s because Liz Cheney is, well, meaner than a junkyard dog.

Apparently Liz has joined a number of her conservative friends in criticizing certain lawyers at the Justice Department and in return is being scolded (OH MY GOD SHE WISHES) by the likes of Ken Starr and former Deputy AG Larry Thompson. Cheney’s group, “Keep America Safe,” has blasted the “values” of seven lawyers who represented detainees before joining the DOJ, labeling them the “Al Qaeda Seven.” Starr and Thompson have denounced the attacks as “shameful.” Really? Ken Starr thinks you’re an asshole? How evil are you?

“We consider these attacks both unjust to the individuals in question and destructive of any attempt to build lasting mechanisms for counterterrorism adjudications,” wrote the 19 lawyers, including Starr and Thompson. I’m no lawyer, although I totally should’ve been because I’m so good at screaming at complete strangers to try and make them see things my way, but I guess what they’re upset about is the little-known fact that people are innocent until proven guilty and are entitled to a vigorous defense. Or something like that. Unless you look Middle Eastern. Then you’re pretty much screwed.

Back to the Supreme Hotness. Former McCain 2008 staffer Michael Goldfarb, who’s now working for Liz, had this to say about his boss: “I was excited about Palin; I’m more excited about Liz. The same sort of excitement you get when you hear her father, except she’s this petite blonde with five kids. There’s just something about her. She gets people worked up. She connects to people… You have a little crush on her. It’s hard not to.” That’s just grosser than gross. How hard up do you have to be to be crushing on that woman?