Thursday, February 18, 2010

Why I'd turn lesbian


Don't you think it's easier to teach a monkey certain hygiene rules than your man? Men always leave the toilet seat up, forget to wash their hands, eat junk food like they haven't eaten in a month, scratch their privates in public, pass gas anywhere and burp thinking it's the most entertaining way to pass time since FRIENDS was on TV.
Men are dogs/hypocrites
Men love to look at women in short skirts and low-cut tops. First, their eyes will pop out, then their mouths water and sooner or later, the drooling starts! Basically they suddenly begin looking like your dog Tommy. But if you decided you want to go out in a tiny skirt or sexy top, you'll be in for a shock because there's no way he's going to let you out. Men are such hypocrites!
What a waste
You spent hours at the salon, had your hair and nails done, practically died when your eyebrows got waxed/threaded and yelled in pain during the bikini wax. You're practically glowing when you step out and everyone noticing. You head home thinking he'll tell you how pretty you look. But when you get there, he's on the couch stuffing his face with potato chips and doesn't notice the new you until you point it out. And you wonder why you bothered in the first place!
Sexists in everyway
When was the last time he helped out with the chores or cooked for you? Men always expect women to do the cooking, take care of the kids and clean up the mess they leave behind. And then they expect you to please them in the bedroom, no headache excuses are valid when it comes to that.
Know-it-alls
What's one of the most annoying things about men? The fact that they never ask for directions even if they know they are lost; they never call the plumber when the pipe bursts; they never call the cable guy when the cable goes. So you're lost or embarrassingly late for a family dinner; have no water for a week or can't watch your favourite Hindi serial.
Remote hoggers!
Say goodbye to all your favourite serials when cricket season - or any match for that matter - is on. Cricket, football, golf, whatever it is, they have to watch it like it's a matter of life and death. One mention about how unfair it is and his tempers will flare up.
The zipper on the mouth's stuck
Women always wondered why God gave men mouths when they don't bother to communicate. They grunt in response to any question asked and expect women to KNOW when they're hungry/angry/stressed/ill.
Terrible shopping buddies
Never let a man accompany you when you're shopping. All you'll get is whining and no constructive advice on where the outfit is conservative enough for a family dinner, yet trendy enough that the cousins/friends won't laugh at you. Ask him what looks appropriate and he'll say "both are fine." Ask him if the particular pattern suits your body type and he'll just scratch his head and wonder what the difference is. By the end of the day you'll want to throw him off a cliff for ruining your shopping trip.
These are just some reasons why women choose women over men. So don't be surprised when your once-upon-a-time straight female friend suddenly wants to become your girlfriend!

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